I’m getting more focused on manifesting love and compassion.
So let me explain.
I was a fairly angry young man, in my 20’s. If anger was money, I was rich; yet it never did squat for me. I would be bitter about it, but bitterness is anger and I can’t make the snake swallow its tail. Mostly I felt bad and was not effective at reaching my goals.
As time went on, I started to agree with this assessment of anger as a kind of poison. If nothing else, I based that on the evidence of my own (lack of) success.
It’s just not very effective at getting you what you want, and while you can talk tough all you want, it encourages people to either retaliate or shun you in ways that are usually pretty effective at being hurtful.
Causing you pain should not be the challenge.
The state of anger itself is not pleasant to be in, and poses health risks that get more serious as you age (getting a heart attack during a rager in your 50’s is quite common).
So it’s not good for you, it’s not very good at getting you what you want, and people will sense it in you and detour around you.
So let’s talk about its opposite, then.
When I was a kid, I had this dream that stuck with me. I had watched a movie about a kid and a computer, programming it (interestingly enough, the field I am now working in, though I had no intention of going into that at the time).
In this dream, I was climbing at set of marble steps, in front of a Greek-style courthouse building. At the top, there was a statue of a woman, that seemed to be made of ice. I walked to it, then reached out and touched it; a kind of electric charge went through me. It was, to use not very elegant language, like the statue made of love; when I touched it, love became the ocean I was suspended in.
Imagine being thrown into the sea, and then being caught in and thrown around under the surface by a wave. That feeling is what it was like, being caught in an oceanic emotion that was basically infinitely powerful, and immune to resistance. Like the sea, it simply existed on a scale that, from a human point of view, is unfathomable.
If being loved by someone is like being gifted with a glass of refreshing water, this was the Pacific. To say that it was ‘weak’ or anything but invincible against you would be a joke, like diving into the deep sea and then trying to punch it with your arms and legs. Underwater.
It was a rush in all kinds of ways, and only lasted for a moment, as long as I touched it; once I removed my hand, it stopped. Yet I remembered it as soon as I woke up, and haven’t forgotten it since.
I felt as though there was a deeper meaning to it, too. It was something like tapping into a current of existence, a primal force. Almost like a kind of building block of reality. By aligning yourself with it, you could, in some sense, channel it – and since being immersed in it was pure pleasure, nothing could be more sweet.
By being made aware of it, by knowing that layer was there, you could also seek it out – and tap into it. Furthermore, as a kind of godlike, self-sustaining force, it doesn’t even matter how the people who connected to it through you reacted. If I offer you gold and you don’t take it, I still have gold.
In our culture we hear a lot of lip service towards love and compassion, but in practice, people don’t seem to believe in it that much. Not as a whole system of practice, not as something which is its own complete system in getting you the things you want – besides a partner. Including the totality of everything.
It has that potential. I’ve had relationships (not all of them, and not necessarily the ones it might seem like, from the outside) that seemed to tap into it. Surprisingly, they could be high-octane and combustible, since it’s not like you can channel something that powerful all that well – but to the extent that you can, it works wonders.
To an extent that I’ve only very sporadically accessed, it can sort of ‘move’ people and things in ways that, a short time before, seemed impossible. When it works, you know it.
As a kind of practice, to try and develop this (and because I believe in it myself), I seek out people now in my life to lavish with love and compassion, as reasonably as I can. It’s a nice practice, with levels that go deeper than I can express.